I am slowly but surely understanding myself better these days. My triggers and why I do what I do.
Not that it makes things any easier for me mind you. Knowing or suspecting that you know why you do something while a small mercy does not mean that it is a complete relief or that your self destructive behaviour is going to cease. It just means that you know or suspect you know which is a hell of a lot more than you did before when you were running blindly into things because you had no idea why.
A light bulb went off in my head last night. I know I want to discuss it with my psychologist... Did I mention that I have both a psychologist and a psychiatrist now? Aren't I the lucky girl.
This realisation such at it was means that I have been terribly unfair to people or maybe just one person in particular. Noone should have the burden of another to bear especially when outbursts tend to come out of left field and clock then in the head, making them dazed and confused as to what the hell happened there or maybe just shake their head and say here we go again.
So this shall be discussed and worked on because I am of the belief that once this particular hurdle can be crossed and dealt with I and everyone around me will be a lot better off.