Thursday, April 10, 2014

Dignitas

Oh how I wish.

General weariness of life

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Great expectations

I really must learn to manage my expectations. 

It's funny how I don't even realize I even have them until something happens, then I always end up feeling rotten. I can't seem to learn that lesson.

Monday, March 17, 2014

It's easy to give advice and say things like pull yourself together.

Pull yourself together...

So much easier said than done.  The funny part being that the even the ones saying it don't know how such a feat is to be achieved, so how am I to know.

Pull yourself together... You cannot go on like this.
.

Pull yourself together...

I want to, I'm trying, I don't completely know how
I know, don't you think I don't know that

Friday, February 28, 2014

Acceptance

Things... Bonds forged out of desperation are not real

Release them

Excise

There are more bad days than good days.

Day before was a good day, yesterday was a bad day.. Today feels even worse.

I went to sleep thinking "today is a bad day, tomorrow shall be better"

I woke up thinking "yesterday was a bad day, today will be better"... So far as I said it's worse.

There is a ball of sadness and pain locked within me. I fantasise about being able to cut myself open and remove it. I can feel exactly where the pain is so why can't it be as simple as cutting it away?

Tuesday, I wish I had more days like Tuesday. I felt in control of myself  I felt stronger. Everyday should be Tuesday.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Drinking so much these days... And I'm so bad at it.

However, drinking at home does have its advantages... The bed is not a far stumble

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Friday, February 21, 2014

I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my Fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my Fear
I will let go of my Fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear
I will let go of my fear

Let go of the fear
Let go of the fear
Let go of the fear

Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

Let me go

Finish it
I need to let it go
Let go of the fear

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Proportion/Fear

In my head everything gets blown up out of proportion. Little things become huge hurdles to cross.. These hurdles are booby trapped and every step I take sets one off.

It's a chain reaction of course, for each bomb that goes off makes the original problem seem even larger until I am trapped,  trapped and desperate to get out... numb the pain... just make it all stop!

Stop stop just stop!

Little things, such little things become such huge things.

I am a victim of my own fear. A prisoner to it. Fear makes me even more irrational than I already am. Whoever said that there is nothing to fear but fear itself was right. I never understood it completely before, I understand it now.

Fear paralyses you and to quote another piece of work... Fear is the mind killer.

I am so afraid all of the time and the only thing I really have to be afraid of is me.